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by Atticus Shires Making a conservative, evangelical, Christian college become my home has been quite the ride. I have had to live, li...
Archive for September 2013
Misconceptions the Church Puts On Me As an Unlabeled Gay Man
by Atticus Shires
Making
a conservative, evangelical, Christian college become my home has been quite
the ride. I have had to live, literally, with people who not only misunderstand
me, but also decide to let their misconceptions script how they act around me
and how they see me (or not see me, rather). When people act according to my
“gayness” instead of my humanness, it leaves me in a state of feeling
disconnected, misunderstood and very unloved and devalued. I don’t want to be
seen for what’s between my legs or whom I prefer there.
But I do want to connect with my fellows.
I want to be known by them, and I want to commune with them.
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| photo credit |
::
(Misconceptions
are in bold & italics; my comments are in plain text) ::
I’m
gay therefore I lust. While
lust is my preferred sin of choice, it has nothing to do with my sexual
orientation (to which sex and gender I’m sexually attracted). Do you have lust
problems because you’re straight? We
lust because our humanity is defective, and sexuality in general is defective. Lust
is a malfunction of biblical sex; a thievery. Lust strips and blanches that
which God calls good (Genesis 2:25).
You
have a penis therefore I want it. Rather, you have a soul therefore I
want to see and know you. Men, do you
have the desire to pounce on every vaginal human life form that breathes? Of
course you don’t. As a matter of fact, it’s likely that the most sexual thing
you first notice about a woman is her hair or her curves, not her clitoris or
how fertile she is.
I
think guys are hot therefore I think women are aesthetically repulsive.
Rather, I have very few female friends who I do not find physically attractive…
Let’s think about today’s celebrities; there are many adorned and beautiful men
and women that walk the red carpet. We find (or don’t find) them attractive; we’re
drawn to certain beauties in certain bodies of certain sexes. How wonderful!
—Seriously. How magnificent is it that we can appreciate and value beauty, and
that what we find beautiful will be different from what your roommate or
partner or little sister finds beautiful? …The fact that I may be vocal about
who I find attractive doesn’t have to do with the fact that I’m “out and
proud,” but more to do with that I’m comfortable and confident in expressing
delight in the human form, male and
female, and send that praise to the Father.
“Don’t
be naked around Atticus; let’s encourage him by making sure we aren’t stumbling
blocks to him.” You are not just a sex object, nor am I incapable of
refusing to objectify you as a piece of ass. Your body is not a “stumbling
block” to me, but rather you trip me up when you misunderstand me, failing to
see me as fully human. You no longer hold safety in the eyes of my trust-abused
soul. Learn what nudity means to me; be curious and ask questions; ask me what
your body means to me.
Jesus, people. Jesus—allow him to come into your
thoughts before making assumptions. Curiosity did not kill the cat; but
assumptions kill Gospel-minded conversations.
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| photo credit |
I
hate gay jokes. Rather, if I have a problem with your humor or banter
of choice, it’s likely because you’re dehumanizing and victimizing the
marginalized, not because it involves “gayness” (Hint: it can be a gay joke,
for example, but it can be any form of social injustice or public pain that you
choose to satirize.) Not all gay jokes are dehumanizing. Last week, a dear
friend and I ventured to the music building on campus. In previous years, I
could get into the building anytime I wanted; this is the first semester I’ve
been denied card access to the locked building. Tim and I walk up to the door,
and, alas, it’s locked. We both let out a sigh of frustration and
disappointment. Tim, with an impeccable sense of understanding and dry humor,
says, “I can’t believe they deny card access to gay people. That’s just not
right.” I looked at him. He looked back, waiting for my reaction. We laughed.
In that moment, I felt sympathized with that I was “discriminated against”
because I’m not a music major (thus not allowed card access), to which the joke
referred. But in that moment, Tim was also saying that he’s comfortable with
who I am, and that being gay is not just part of my life that contains hurt or
difficulty, but my sexuality is also something to delight in and enjoy. I felt
known and cared for when Tim expressed mutuality with me — frustration and
simultaneous enjoyment.
There are many more misconceptions that constantly tear apart the sexually marginalized from those who misunderstand them. Perhaps there will be a Part 2 to this article, but for now, what are your thoughts on these misconceptions? Can you think of any others? Do you disagree? Let's create a safe place in the comment section below for all voices to be heard and respected. I look forward to the ensuing dialoge.
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