Welcome! Yes, everyone is welcome.
At Sexual Wholiness, NakID Ministries offers a place of community discussion where we will all get to talk about sticky subjects regarding our sexuality in Jesus. Part of the name of NakID involves our identity — our identity in Jesus, our sexual identity, our culture, and others. Is sex enough to define us? Is Jesus someone we can identify with? Why is sexuality important to who we are, and in what ways is it sometimes unimportant? What does it mean to have sexual desires as a Christian?
We hope that this becomes a place of community discussion, not a read-only blog. You can comment anonymously or publicly, where you and your thoughts will be treated with respect and care.
Love and delight,
Sexual Wholiness writers
Katelyn Skye Seitz
by Atticus Shires Making a conservative, evangelical, Christian college become my home has been quite the ride. I have had to live, li...
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I feel heaviness in my soul as I ask these questions. I look around me at other students—thriving, laughing, or just trying to survive—and I wonder, do they need to open their eyes and hearts to this conversation? Do they actually need to reach out or is that just me projecting my calling onto them?
|In other words, "If you didn't wait, you didn't love."|
photo credit: juicyecumenism.com
There are many more misconceptions that constantly tear apart the sexually marginalized from those who misunderstand them. Perhaps there will be a Part 2 to this article, but for now, what are your thoughts on these misconceptions? Can you think of any others? Do you disagree? Let's create a safe place in the comment section below for all voices to be heard and respected. I look forward to the ensuing dialoge.
I wanted to start out this article with a bunch of single-word sexual buzzwords to make it Look. Really. Dynamic. But I couldn’t think of enough to make it work, and the ones I thought of weren’t that great. Except for one — Struggle.
It takes a lot of time. Gardening never ceases. Even for you, Timmy. So, when it comes to “struggling”—and we all struggle—we need to stop listening to spiritual abusers and ignorant church-y traditions, and start listening to the daring, cross-cultural, sexually revolutionary, provocative and untame: Jesus—sexually holy and Gardener of souls.
A reconciliation needs to happen.
We have pitted our sexuality and our spirituality against each other and a reconciliation needs to happen. I invite you to take a step back with me, back from all the confusion, all the hurt, all the lies and all the tension that has informed so many ideas we have been given about sexuality. This step back we're about to take is not to escape our sexuality, but to get a fuller look at it.
The avoidance narrative has taught us that sexuality is, well, something to be avoided, that our ignorance implies our holiness and that our sex drive is something to silence. This is an effective narrative because it uses an effective instrument: shame. In her book, Daring Greatly, Brené Brown states, “shame derives its power from being unspeakable”. If any subject has been silenced by shame, it’s our sexuality.
This narrative says God created us as sexual beings on purpose and He believes it is a good thing. Whether we own this or not determines how we engage in our sexuality. As Jonathan Martin explained in his book, Prototype, “It turns out that knowing how loved we are by God makes all the difference in the kind of people we will become”.
This narrative refuses to be colored by fear — fear of our bodies, fear of our desires, fear of vulnerability, fear of mystery, fear of connection, fear of tension. Our humanity is deep enough to hold such mystery; it is capable of thriving in tension. It is made for connection, lost without vulnerability and comes alive with desire. God is found in these.
Yet, in this inherited and cultivated shame of sexuality, we have curtailed ourselves from much beauty, truth and goodness meant for this sacred embodiment. Being a sexual being is wild and vulnerable and mysterious, and that can be scary. Scary, but not worthy of shame.
Nothing God created and called good is worthy of shame.
I think it's time we allow our belovedness to reclaim this conversation. We have watched shame inform our view of sexuality for long enough. It's time we hear what God has to say. Turns out, there is no script for stewarding our sexuality. If this comes as a disappointment, go read the array of books on sexual purity giving you lists upon lists of the “do’s and don’ts” and get back to me when you are tired of these lists failing to engage the entirety of your humanity. We are aching for something that dignifies our desires more than rules to manage them.
One thing I have found is that seeking wholeness in my sexuality looks a lot like just becoming a healthy human being. The skill of knowing oneself requires intentionality, reflection, self-compassion, grace and belief in our own belovedness. And it is when we allow others to do this alongside us, when we believe in their belovedness, sexual stewardship will flow from this place. This will take courage, but most things worthy of our humanity do.
In posts to come, we will look at some of the places where we have been living according to a shame-based script and we will consider how these have been holding us back from stewarding our sexuality. But for now it is enough to breathe in our belovedness. If we do not start here, we will get nowhere. From here, as Amy Frykholm puts it, we can begin "to learn to grant to one another, in the Body of Christ, an opportunity to speak truth in love and to forge ahead toward wholeness." Reconciliation needs to happen.